Jokes -30 July 2007

Nanay:    Hala, sige, layas!  Huwag ka nang bumalik dito sa bahay!                     Simula ngayon, huwag mo na akong tawaging nanay                     at hindi na rin kita tatawaging anak, naintindihan mo?
 Anak:       Ok,  dude,   split na ako.
************ ********* ********* *********

 Boy:     Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa iyo!
 Girl:    Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa!
 Boy:     Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo!

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****
Ice cream ba talaga yung ini-endorse ni Pacquiao sa TV ad nya naNestle  Ice Cream?  Akala ko kasi, sopdrinks.  Kasi, sabi nya,   ” Oh mga bata, Mirinda na ! ”

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****

 A priest at a church.
 Lady:    Father, ang gwapo at cute mo naman!  Bakit ka pa kasi nagpari?
 Priest:  Dahil ayaw pumayag ng magulang ko na magmadre ako!                 Bruha!

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****

 Anak:      Inay, ang galing ng titser ko.
 Inay:       Bakit naman?
 Anak:     Tinuruan kami ng kagandahang asal.
 Nanay:   Eh di marunong ka nang gumalang at mag- po at opo?
Anak:      Natural!   Tanga ka ba?
  ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *****
 Use “Bampira” in a sentence!  Ahmm, Dodong.   Pautang naman, meron ka  bampira ?!
 
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **  Boy1:      Bakit mo ako sinuntok?
 Boy2:     Tinawag mo akong hipopotamus!
 Boy1:      Last year pa yon!   Tarantado!
 Boy2:     Eh kanina ko lang nakita picture ng hippopotamus, bobo!
  ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****

May kwento ako tungkol sa lovelife ng ampalaya.Huwag na lang!
Masyadong mapait!************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****Panchito:     Vitamins ko ABC —  Alak,  Babae  at  Cigarette.
Babalu:        Ako naman DEF —   Damo, Egg  at  Frutas.
Dolphy:       Ako, from A to Z–    Alma  to  Zsa  Zsa.
************************************************ A couple placed an ad,“Have 4 sons, need advice on  how to get a daughter.” RESPONSES. American:      Keep  trying!
Briton:           Change doctor!
Aussie:          Follow a special  diet.
Indian:           Practice Yoga!
Pinoy:           LET ME  TRY!

OFW issues need holistic solution

By Moje Ramos-Aquino, FPM OFW issues need holistic solution

We got some heartfelt reactions about the issue on our overseas Filipino workers last column. Here’s one from Tony Ranque. I’ve threaded together his three emails.

—————————————-

I am an ex-OFW, having worked in Saudi Arabia for more than 20 years.

Being one of the stakeholders, it always interests me to read any article about OFWs like what you wrote in (last) Saturday’s edition of Manila Times.

There are so many reasons why people have to work abroad but mainly due to financial reasons. It is not that there are no jobs available here in the Philippines, but like me, being a mechanical engineer by profession, I was lured by the relatively higher income when I worked overseas.

Then my family’s standard of living is raised as soon as I became a dollar earner. Also, as soon as one earns more, the family ties become extended so overseas job, which is supposed to be temporary in nature, becomes almost permanent. OFWs maybe likened to those who are in self-exile as such they are not only the new heroes of the land; they are living martyrs.

While facts and figures about the OFWs are quite revealing, what is more important is what we can do to help them in their reintegration, in coming home soon enough. We owe them so much, considering that their remittances keep our economy afloat.

People think that OFWs and their families are better off because of the relatively higher income they get from working abroad, but most people are not aware that more problems are created due to distant relationships. We need to find a more holistic approach in solving migration problems. We cannot continuously discuss the flight of the OFWs and yet do not contribute to finding solutions to their woes. Accusing the government of not doing their share does not help either.

Based on my experience, I know that the key to coming home is lowering one’s lifestyle. When I resigned from a good and high-paying job in Saudi three years back, my colleagues there told me, “Nakahiga ka na sa kama, bakit gugustuhin mo pang bumalik sa banig? Bakit parang inaayawan mo ang suwerte?”

But now I can ask them, sino kaya ang mas suwerte sa amin, ako na nakauwi na o sila na nandoon pa?

OFWs need financial literacy to teach them how to manage their money effectively, they have psycho-social problems, some have marital problems, their children are brought up by single parenting.

At present I am connected with an NGO Economic Resource Center for Overseas Filipinos (www.ercof.org). Our main program is to harness the potential of migrant remittances for the development of local economies.

I am also about to start an IT learning center here in our hometown Jagna, Bohol, as I see Internet as a great leveler. IT learning should be brought from the cities to the countryside and be made community-based.

I always say that a poor country and consumer economy, coupled with exposure to western culture, is a very bad combination. Lately, we went into sachet economy and now microfinance is the talk of the town. For me that is a bad combination, too. Please allow me to explain.

With microfinance, the entrepreneurial poor are given capital for their microentrepreneurs. While there is nothing wrong about that, however, it only covers one side of the equation—the supply side. So granting that the income of these entrepreneurial poor increases, it only fuels consumerism further. With sachet economy, even nonessentials become affordable. Just look at the TV commercials dominated by shampoos. So where does this end up? The rich (capitalists) becomes richer and the poor, poorer. The income of the poor people are only being siphoned up and the gap between the haves and the have nots widen.

Living a frugal life in a consumer society is a tough one. I have heard poor people say, “If I have the resources, living a frugal life only means I have to continually deprive myself.” I believe this is the dilemma that most OFWs have.

In Demand ang Re-entry OFW Business

From Bob 

In Demand ang Re-entry OFW  Business

AMBA’S BRIEFS Ni Roy “Amba” Señeres
Sunday, July 29, 2007 Sunday, July 29, 2007

DAHIL sa dami ng nagtanong tungkol sa aking alok na business ng pizza machine, napatunayan ko na sa aking sarili na talagang in demand nga sa mga OFW ang magkaroon ng re-entry business sa kanilang pagbabalik sa Pilipinas. Natutuwa ako na marami talagang OFW ang naka­kaisip na kailangan talaga nilang magkaroon ng sariling negosyo sa kanilang pagbabalik, at ang isang dahilan diyan ay ang katotohanan na marami sa kanila ang hindi na rin makapapasok sa trabaho sa kanilang pagbabalik.

Sa totoo lang, karamihan nga naman ng mga OFW ay pumupunta sa abroad upang makapag-ipon, upang sa kanilang pagbabalik ay hindi na sila kailangang magtrabaho pa, dahil maaring overage na sila sa pag-apply sa trabaho.

Dahil sa demand na napatunayan ko na, sasadyain ko na mag-alok pa ng mga small business na maaring pasukin ng mga OFW, maliban pa sa integrated farming system (IFS) at sa pizza machine. Ganoon pa man, marami na rin ang may gusto sa IFS at sa pizza.

Dahil sa malaking response, sasadyain ko na na imbitahin ang lahat na interested sa pizza machine sa isang meeting, kung saan iimbitahin ko na rin ang mga interested din na mag-finance sa mga OFW na papasok sa pizza machine business. Abangan lang ninyo kung kailan ito. Para sa mga OFW na nasa abroad, i-text lamang sa 09196466323 ang mga pangalan ng kamag-anak ninyo na dapat dumalo sa meeting.

Tungkol naman sa IFS, abangan ang susunod na seminar at ang gustong mag-attend ay mag-text na rin upang malaman ang address kung saan dapat mag-register. Tapos na akong dumalo sa IFS seminar kaya alam ko na mabuti ito para sa mga OFW. Katulad ng pizza machine, maari ring dumalo para sa inyo ang mga kamag-anak ninyo na gusto ninyong gawing katiwala sa farm na itatayo ninyo kung saan man kayo nanggaling.

* * *Makinig sa “USAPANG OFW” sa DZRH tuwing Linggo 10 to 11 a.m. Mag-e-mail sa royseneres@ yahoo.com, text 09187903513, dumalaw sa www. royseneres.com, tumawag sa 5267522 at 5267515 at bumisita rin kayo sa Our Father’s Coffee.   

Job Bank

fromBob

Invitation to ‘Job Bank’

July 24, 2007
Updated 12:29:32 (Mla time)
INQUIRER.net  SAMAKABUHAYAN, a non-government organization (NGO) that provides assistance to job hunters and business start-ups announces the launching of its “Job Bank” system.Ike Señeres, Chairman of SAMAKABUHAYAN, said that the Job Bank matches the skills of applicants with the requirements of companies using the system. The service is free to the companies and SAMAKABUHAYAN members alike. Membership in SAMAKABUHAYAN is also free, but a voluntary donation is requested from those who would like to avail of ID cards.

“Everyone is welcome to make use of the Job Bank, even those who do not have ID cards,” Seneres said. The system works by asking job applicants to deposit their resumes at the SAMAKABUHAYAN office, and asking companies to send their representatives to that office to look at the available resumes for possible matches with their job requirements.

“Our system is a very economical and practical supplement to job wanted ads,”Seneres said. In particular, the Job Bank system is very appealing to small businesses that cannot afford to sustain the high costs of job wanted ads. As an additional service to job hunters, SAMAKABUHAYAN also provides access to job wanted ads placed in the newspapers, promoting these newspapers in a mutually beneficial way.

Seneres said in a statement that the “Job Bank” system is separate from their job placement system, an exclusive service for members that directly matches them with newly available job openings. Although the job placement service itself is free, only those with ID cards may avail of it.Just like the “Job Bank” system, employers who benefit from the job placement service are not charged anything by SAMAKABUHAYAN. SAMAKABUHAYAN is neither an employment nor a placement agency, but foreign jobs are available through the recruitment agencies that use their service. More information is available at 09196466323.Ike Señeres (iseneres@yahoo.com)

SEVEN DAY FAT BURNING DIET

From Rod

Seven Day Burning Fat

 This diet is used by the cardiology department of SACRED HEART MEMORIALHOSPITAL, U.K. for overweight heart patients who must lose weight rapidly andsafely in preparation for surgery. This diet is fast, fat burning and the secret is that you will burn more calories thanyou take in. It will flush your system of impurities and give you a feeling of wellbeing. The diet centers on the daily consumption of an easy to make Basic ‘FatBurning Soup can be eaten any time you feel hungry. Eat as much as you like.Remember that the more you eat of this soup, the more weight you will lose. BASIC FAT BURNING SOUP6 large onions1 Bunch of Celery1 large head of cabbage2 large green bell peppers128 oz can whole tomatoes(6 large tomatoes)1 pkt. Soup mix (Knorr Chicken Cream Soup) If desired season with salt, pepper, curry powder, parsley, or hot sauce.Cut vegetables into small or nedium pieces and put in to a large pot with thetomatoes and soup mix. Cover wfth water. Boil for ten minutes then lower tosimmer and continue to cook until vegetables are tender. This soup can be eatenany time you are hungry. Eat as much as you want, whenever you wantthroughout the day because eating this soup actually burns calories. The moreyou eat, the more weight you will lose. Fill a thermos in the morning if you will beaway during the day. There are some definite ‘no noes” on this diet. First, no alcoholic beveragesbecause they interfere directly with the removal of the fat built up in your system.Wait at least 24 hours after any intake of alcohol, before you start the diet. Also,no carbonated beverages, juices and skimmed milk. Also, no fried foods, breador any products made with flour and no sugar or sweeteners of any kind.When the diet calls for beef, you may substitute chicken as long as it is broiled orbaked and you eat no skin. You can also substitute broiled fish for one of thebeef days. THE SEVEN-DAY PAT BURNING DIET DAY ONE. Eat only the basic fat burning soup and fruits. You can eat any fruit orbaked/boiled green bananas, Canteloupe and watermelon are lower in calories than most fruits and therefore especially recommended. Remember drink only unsweetened fruit orwater. DAY TWO. Its an all veggie day. Eat the basic fat burning soup with additionalfresh or canned vegetables until you are stuffed. Eat the vegetables raw, withany oil or butter. Try to eat green leafy vegetables and stay away from beans,  peas or corn. Eat the vegetables with the soup. At dinner time in this day rewardyourself with a big baked potato and add a little butter or olive oil if you like. Donot eat any fruits today. DAY THREE. Today is combination of the first two days. Eat all the basic fat burning soup. fruits (except bananas) and vegetables you want. Do not have abaked potato.  PROGRESS AFTER THREE DAYSIf you have eaten for three days as directed above, and have not cheated, youwill find you have lost 5 to 7 pounds. DAY FOUR. Eat only the basic fat burning soup and bananas and drink non-fatmilk and water. Eat as many as three bananas, drink two eight ounce glasses ofnon-fat milk, and drink as many glasses of water as you can. Eat as much of thesoup as you want. Bananas are high in calories and carbohydrates and so is themilk, but on this particular day your body will need potassium and carbohydrates,proteins and calcium to lessen your craving for sweets. DAY FIVE. Today is beef and tomatoes day. You may have 10-20 ounces of leanbeef (or chicken without skin or fish) and a 28 ounce can of whole tomatoes or asmany as 6 fresh tomatoes today. Try to drink at least 6-8 glasses of water thisday to wash away the uric acid in your body. Eat the basic fat burning soup atleast once today. DAY SIX. Now its beef and veggies day. Eat to your heart’s content all beef andveggies you want today. You can even have two or three steaks if you like withgreen leafy vegetables but no baked potato. Be sure to eat the basic fat burningsoup at least once today. DAY SEVEN. Eat only brown rice, unsweetened fruit juice and vegetables. Againstuff yourself. Be sure to have the soup at least once today. PROGRESS AFTER SEVEN DAYSAfter the end of the seventh day, if you have not cheated on the above diet, youwill have lost 10-17 pounds. If you have lost more than 15 pounds, stay off thediet for two full days before resuming the diet from day one. This seven dayeating plan can be used as often as you like. As a matter of fact, if correctlyfollowed, it will clean your system of impurities and give you a feeling of wellbeing as never before.

Rod Garcia Family at Hundred Islands

For those of you who want to have a glimpse of the Pangasinan’s Hundred Islands, download below slideshow. Photos were taken during the trip of Rod Garcia and family. 

Clickhere to download >> Rod Garcia Family in Hundred Islands -640×480-slideshow.pdf (2.1MB)

Subic Freeport with Rod Garcia Family

Subic Freeport pictures with Rod Garcia family. Click any of the slide show below. Slideshow#1 size  is 1.2MB.  Slideshow 2 file size is 5.4MB, comes with background music, but you have to wait longer. Open both in Acrobat 6 o 7.

Slideshow 1 – Subic Freeport with the Rod Garcia Family (1.3MB)
Slideshow 2 – Subic Freeport with the Rod Garcia Family with Backgrounf Music (4.5MB)

Pagkaing Pang-romantiko

From:  LandoC

Pagkaing Pang-romantiko

 

Romance is indeed a great ingredient to cook up a great relationship.Being romantic is truly fantastic and BOOMbastic! To make this romance bloom and be a real “boom”, get to know some foods that boost the romantic spirit within us.

ASPARAGUS and ARTICHOKES are believed to have those special properties in their appearance. STRAWBERRIES, CHERRIES are very sensual.

DATES and GRAPES makeway for a happy sex life.

PEACH is considered a seductive fruit because of its appearance. It also contains vitamins and minerals good for our body.

POMEGRANATE symbolizes fertility because of its numerous seeds. Forthe Chines, it means prosperity at home.

GINGKO NUTS improve blood circulation. OATS usually eaten in the morning, boosts one’s appetite in the evening and releases testosterone. Indeed, herbs and spices do wonders – not only in our food but also in our romance.

BASIL, CARDAMON, GINGER, CLOVE, GINSENG, GARLIC, SAW PALMETTO and PEPPER are great sizzlers in one’s sexual life.

There you have it, folks! You might want to try these foods to make you feel more alive and oozing with “appetite” that can help you and your “love” spice up your life together.

Tumatanda Ka Na …….

From:  LandoC  

Tumatanda Ka Na ……. 

1. Kung ang tinitingnan mo sa pagkain ay ingredients.

2. Kung binibilang mo ang calories o fats ng iyong pagkain.

3. Kung nag-enroll ka sa sa fitness gym, pero hindi ka naman
nagpupunta. 4. Kung alam na alam mo naman ang lahat subalit walang nagtatanong
sa iyo.

5. Kung pinapatay mo ang ilaw hindi dahil sa ikaw ay malambing kundi
dahil nagtitipid ka ng kuryente.

6. Kung nagliliwanag na ang iyong bumbunan.

7. Kung ayaw mong maniwalang may guhit na ang noo mo.

8. Kung naiinip ka na sa harapan ng stop lights.

9. Kung ang paborito mong artista ay si Elizabeth Ramsey.

10. Kung si Jaworski pa rin ang paborito mong basketbolista.

Healthy Juices

Healthy juices, download here: Healthy Juices